Wellbeing In Science Series: 1. How Research Taught Me Sustainability

I am a huge over-thinker. That is, I am a woman who has lived with a chronic anxiety disorder and periods of depression throughout her life, with often the depression being a result of my overactive mind. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that someone suggested this chronic overthinking and the way I experience the world might be a sign of neurodivergence, or autism to be precise.

I’ve never been formally diagnosed and I’m not sure if I ever will be (in part due to the cost if I want to avoid the queue). But this revelation led to an evolution of self-acceptance and understanding, as well as improved sustainability in both myself and my work as a researcher. I’m learning that I can use my mental processes - what I once believed to be my greatest disadvantage and hindrance, to my advantage.

Being a scientist, to me, is not a way of being, nor is science my religion. It is simply an informative, enjoyable and fulfilling career choice that allows me to put my overactive brain to good use. It gives me a strong and powerful focus for my endless mental energy.

This writing, whatever it may turn out to be, is an honest and authentic (as much as I can be; I’m still learning to unmask) account of my experiences as a undiagnosed, neurodivergent, marine biologist, who once believed (perhaps rather narrow-mindedly) that she was different. That my mental pain (mostly due to my torturous, overactive brain and my different way of processing) somehow made me ‘special’ - or ‘different’ from my peers.

Project Pollack 2024

A story for women who feel different:

I know now that although my experiences, like everyone else’s, are unique, I am not. And if I can emerge from this internal struggle feeling truthful with myself and honest about how I’ve lived and perceived the world, perhaps it could serve as a useful guide and particularly, though not exclusively, for women. Women who grew up feeling different. Whose paths are not always clear. Who may be missing certain neurological patterns that make life simpler when learned earlier in childhood.

My mission in science: wellbeing in science

I want to share my experiences of early life and how science became my calling (if callings are real). I will also share how I now harness the power of my overactive brain to strengthen my work and to help me cope with being a woman in science. I believe it is my mission during my time here on Earth to contribute to changing the outdated working methodologies in science and to help make it a more inclusive, accepting, and wellbeing-focused environment, especially for young women. I think my way of kick-starting this mission is by sharing my experiences to date, in the hope that my reflections might resonate with others who think or feel in similar ways.

This blog series will hold suggestions for scientists on how to expand, grow and explore practices that can make science more meaningful and impactful to the researchers themselves. I will be sharing not only my story, but also what I have learned through my many years of reading and learning about wellbeing in science. I hope my findings and story reach the people who may need it most.